11th Throw - [ written ]

[shenevermisses]

[There are too many nightmares. Too many nights spent thrashing herself awake. Sometimes she fully wakes Cato, sometimes she just has to assure him she's okay before he fall back asleep. She's tried to run, she's tried to just go as far as she can, she's tried to roll over and go back to sleep. She can't ignore it, she can't escape it, she can't get over it.

So, late at night or early in the morning, she opens her journal.

She's tired but wide awake. It's a kind of exhaustion, really. She doesn't know how many people will see this, but she wants to ask.]

The Malnosso are always fighting their war, right? There's always battles and killing.

Is there any way to volunteer? To join them? I want to. There has to be a way, so I want to know.

As long as I'm fighting, I don't have nightmares.

[After about two hours, she'll strike out the entire last sentence. It's too private, too personal. It was stupid to ever write it, but at least it will be gone. Some of them have seen it, but she can deny it later. Sort of.]

Comments

written:

[shenevermisses]

They provide us free food and housing. They see the shops filled with clothing and objects we need and want.

It's in my best interests to be useful to them.

written:

[complicatedliar]

Well, I suppose it is if you broadly consider remaining a captive your goal.

Obviously willing cooperation is not required, or most of the people around here would be starving to death whilst running around naked.

written:

[shenevermisses]

I like it here. I'd only leave if they let me go somewhere else to fight more.

written:

[complicatedliar]

Ah, I see. Then that is obviously a means by which you might further your goal.

Though I would caution that combat is better seen as a means, rather than an end.

written:

[shenevermisses]

[Says someone who belongs at the Capitol. Who would watch the Hunger Games for entertainment. Bet. Have no stake other than money, because the children he would know would never be touched. So what would those kids thrown into the Arena matter?

Combat is the only means she knows, the end being survival. Making it to one more day without dying or losing her mind.]

I'll remember that.

written:

[complicatedliar]

Also remember to whom you have spoken.

- Loki of Asgard

nothing:

[shenevermisses]

["Not that Loki."

Her ally's comment makes sense now, and her opinion of this one drop accordingly.]