Clove (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
shenevermisses) wrote2012-11-10 06:01 pm
shenevermisses) wrote2012-11-10 06:01 pm
11th Throw - [ written ]
[There are too many nightmares. Too many nights spent thrashing herself awake. Sometimes she fully wakes Cato, sometimes she just has to assure him she's okay before he fall back asleep. She's tried to run, she's tried to just go as far as she can, she's tried to roll over and go back to sleep. She can't ignore it, she can't escape it, she can't get over it.
So, late at night or early in the morning, she opens her journal.
She's tired but wide awake. It's a kind of exhaustion, really. She doesn't know how many people will see this, but she wants to ask.]
The Malnosso are always fighting their war, right? There's always battles and killing.
Is there any way to volunteer? To join them? I want to. There has to be a way, so I want to know.
As long as I'm fighting, I don't have nightmares.
[After about two hours, she'll strike out the entire last sentence. It's too private, too personal. It was stupid to ever write it, but at least it will be gone. Some of them have seen it, but she can deny it later. Sort of.]
So, late at night or early in the morning, she opens her journal.
She's tired but wide awake. It's a kind of exhaustion, really. She doesn't know how many people will see this, but she wants to ask.]
The Malnosso are always fighting their war, right? There's always battles and killing.
Is there any way to volunteer? To join them? I want to. There has to be a way, so I want to know.
As long as I'm fighting, I don't have nightmares.
[After about two hours, she'll strike out the entire last sentence. It's too private, too personal. It was stupid to ever write it, but at least it will be gone. Some of them have seen it, but she can deny it later. Sort of.]
action
[She wants to. She wants to fall asleep out in the open, where there's plenty of room to get away or fight if something comes out of the shadows.
What can hurt her in a locked apartment? She doesn't know.
Clove gives a small shudder before she crawls onto the bed and curls up beside him, tucking herself smaller than she usually is and resting her head on his chest. Listening to his heart. And trying not to cry.]