11th Throw - [ written ]

[shenevermisses]

[There are too many nightmares. Too many nights spent thrashing herself awake. Sometimes she fully wakes Cato, sometimes she just has to assure him she's okay before he fall back asleep. She's tried to run, she's tried to just go as far as she can, she's tried to roll over and go back to sleep. She can't ignore it, she can't escape it, she can't get over it.

So, late at night or early in the morning, she opens her journal.

She's tired but wide awake. It's a kind of exhaustion, really. She doesn't know how many people will see this, but she wants to ask.]

The Malnosso are always fighting their war, right? There's always battles and killing.

Is there any way to volunteer? To join them? I want to. There has to be a way, so I want to know.

As long as I'm fighting, I don't have nightmares.

[After about two hours, she'll strike out the entire last sentence. It's too private, too personal. It was stupid to ever write it, but at least it will be gone. Some of them have seen it, but she can deny it later. Sort of.]

Comments

[Voice]

[not_a_troll]

Your words are contradicting. That might imply you are a very, very bad liar.

[He huffs.]

I offended you, yes? And now you refuse to tell me what it is and blame it on hormones and something called a period.

[Voice]

[shenevermisses]

You've made it pretty clear that our alliance doesn't stand if I side with the Malnosso. And I do.

So, there is no reason to pretend there's still an alliance.

You look after yourself, I'll look after myself.

[Voice]

[not_a_troll]

An alliance differs from the concept of friendship. That we are not on the same side does not mean we have to dislike eachother, right?

Right.

And I am always right.

[Voice]

[shenevermisses]

I don't have friends. I have alliances.

If we are thrown into combat against each other, look for no mercy or considerations.

[Because that is how the Career mindset works. Without an alliance, there is no further thought to help anyone but herself. She already prioritizes her survival.

A broken alliance means only she matters.]

[Voice]

[not_a_troll]

That you are a merciless fighter is not something I have forgotten, no.

So if I am correct you wish me to be your ally only. And you wish me to ally with you to fight on the Malnosso's side? If I chose not to do so you prefer killing me instead.

[Loki shakes his head and frowns.]

Clove of Panem, that is rather infuriating.

[Voice]

[shenevermisses]

I didn't say I'd prefer killing you. I just said I wouldn't think twice about doing it if I had to. Because you're the one who said that if we went on another draft, we might not be on the same side. Just because I support the Malnosso.

You broke this alliance, not me.

[Voice]

[not_a_troll]

I have not broken anything. I do not wish to fight on the side of the Malnosso. You wish not to fight on the side of most people in this village. The alliance will be broken when that moment arrives.