shenevermisses | 11th Throw

[There are too many nightmares. Too many nights spent thrashing herself awake. Sometimes she fully wakes Cato, sometimes she just has to assure him she's okay before he fall back asleep. She's tried to run, she's tried to just go as far as she can, she's tried to roll over and go back to sleep. She can't ignore it, she can't escape it, she can't get over it.

So, late at night or early in the morning, she opens her journal.

She's tired but wide awake. It's a kind of exhaustion, really. She doesn't know how many people will see this, but she wants to ask.]

The Malnosso are always fighting their war, right? There's always battles and killing.

Is there any way to volunteer? To join them? I want to. There has to be a way, so I want to know.

As long as I'm fighting, I don't have nightmares.

[After about two hours, she'll strike out the entire last sentence. It's too private, too personal. It was stupid to ever write it, but at least it will be gone. Some of them have seen it, but she can deny it later. Sort of.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've been on one.

[She remembers him. Someone who wasn't telling her to show mercy. Someone who, now, isn't criticizing her decision.]

I'm hoping to get another.

You can sign up for solo missions too. I haven't been on any of those yet, but I've heard there are combat options for them.

I'll look into those. [Not that she's keen on fighting without any allies. But it is something to keep in mind.]

Other than that, hope you get drafted. Show them that you're useful and you're more likely to get chosen. They tend to want people who aren't going to be liabilities on the battlefield.