11th Throw - [ written ]

[shenevermisses]

[There are too many nightmares. Too many nights spent thrashing herself awake. Sometimes she fully wakes Cato, sometimes she just has to assure him she's okay before he fall back asleep. She's tried to run, she's tried to just go as far as she can, she's tried to roll over and go back to sleep. She can't ignore it, she can't escape it, she can't get over it.

So, late at night or early in the morning, she opens her journal.

She's tired but wide awake. It's a kind of exhaustion, really. She doesn't know how many people will see this, but she wants to ask.]

The Malnosso are always fighting their war, right? There's always battles and killing.

Is there any way to volunteer? To join them? I want to. There has to be a way, so I want to know.

As long as I'm fighting, I don't have nightmares.

[After about two hours, she'll strike out the entire last sentence. It's too private, too personal. It was stupid to ever write it, but at least it will be gone. Some of them have seen it, but she can deny it later. Sort of.]

Comments

[spohkh]

[Spock knows a hasty decision when he hears it... It is rather fascinating how humans draw on their own conclusions with asking the appropriate questions. However, he will honour her decision.]

Very well. It is a non intrusive procedure, and one that I have done for another here in Luceti. However, if you ever change your mind, please do not hesitate to contact me.

[shenevermisses]

[There is nothing "non-intrusive" about messing with her mind. At least not as far as she's concerned.]

Yeah. If I change my mind, I will.

[So not happening.]

[spohkh]

[Spock bows his head, he will respect her decision.]

Peace and long life to you Miss Clove. [Spock lifts his hand in a Ta'al.. and is about to turn off the screen...but hesitates..]


I hope... you get your rest. I would suggest seeing a Doctor.
[Then the screen goes blank.]

[shenevermisses]

[The look she gives the Journal is nothing short of hateful at those words before she slams the thing shut.

The memories of the Capitol are too vivid and vicious. This man reminds her too much of the Capitol, where "May the odds be ever in your favor" means "I will watch your death and enjoy it." She can't take his statement as sincere.]