Clove (
shenevermisses) wrote2013-02-24 11:16 pm
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15th Throw - [ written ]
[It's a question that's been on Clove's mind.
Okay, she's had a lot of questions lately. Valentine's Day and that whole week... It wasn't unkind, but it made her think too much. There were too many uncertainies. The ones with Cato... She didn't feel like thinking about.
But Katniss. She can talk about some of that.]
What do you all do for a living, where you're from? Or what were you going to do? Does everyone in your area do it?
In Panem... your district says a lot about what your job will be. Not always, but probably. Like me... If I hadn't gone to the Games? I'd probably have been the foreman in a factory. Or an overseer of a quarry.
And what you do... When did you learn to do it? And from who?
Okay, she's had a lot of questions lately. Valentine's Day and that whole week... It wasn't unkind, but it made her think too much. There were too many uncertainies. The ones with Cato... She didn't feel like thinking about.
But Katniss. She can talk about some of that.]
What do you all do for a living, where you're from? Or what were you going to do? Does everyone in your area do it?
In Panem... your district says a lot about what your job will be. Not always, but probably. Like me... If I hadn't gone to the Games? I'd probably have been the foreman in a factory. Or an overseer of a quarry.
And what you do... When did you learn to do it? And from who?
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She was pretty young, but she was a Victor. They don't have to work -- winning the Games gives you enough money that you never have to work. But she still chose to teach at the Academy.
She taught basic math and spear and staff work.
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But a lot of them... I think it helps. Teaching at the Academy. Trying to help whatever kid goes to the Games to prepare.
That was my plan. Whether I went or not. I wanted to teach. [It's not something she talks about often. But he's like one of the instructors there. He has what tenuous trust she can offer someone.]
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[ though he takes a moment to try and imagine the young woman teaching. hmm. ]
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[Calm, even. It's not important. Not worrth aan emotional response. It's simply what happened.]
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Bloody hell.
[ the more he hears about these buggering games, the more he dislikes them. ]
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Or, at least, that's what she'll keep telling herself. Over and over until it's true.] I let my guard down and paid for it.
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as, he has to remind herself, many a solider has and many a soldier will do. sharpe himself carries scars from moments where his own sense of self-preservation had -- just for a moment -- slipped. but the difference isn't that they weren't children, for many of them were too young to shave. it was that those men had enlisted.
and the games -- as he understood them -- were not a war. they were like the dog-fighting pits in st. giles, where sharpe had spent many an evening in his youth. no finer place to pick pockets.
only he didn't like the notion of these children playing dogs and biting at each others' necks until they bled. it sickened him. ]
It means you've nothing to go back to, don't it?
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No family, no school. The Malnosso send us all back to our own worlds, I... guess I go back to being dead.
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bloody hell, it's a strange thought. ]
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That's why I'll fight to stay here. Do whatever the Malnosso want me to.
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[ so that's how he proves his worth to wellington. ]
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[The calm of that statement might be unsettling, but... She sees too many similarities. Malnosso, Gamemakers. One and the same. Or at least cut from the same cloth.]
They want a good show. Give it to them, you'll live longer.
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[ which has never quite been his style. pride? aye. but never glory. ]
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[ desperation? survivalism? ] You're a one woman Forlorn Hope.
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[Her voice is low and quiet. This man... understands. At least somewhat. Someone who's seen war knows about violence and survival. Not the Games, not how she and Cato were raised. But he understands something about it, and that's more than she gets from most sources here.]
I don't know how to be anything else. I don't even know if I want to be anything else.
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You seem like the only person who thinks that. Everyone else? Thinks I should be doing other stuff or making friends or trusting people or... everything I'm not. Everything I don't do.
[She actually chuckles a little bit. To find humor in the aggravation.]
They don't like it when I tell them to mind their own business.
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[ once, he met a slim spanish lass who had glared at him with such hatred over his reluctance to take a frenchman's life. and he'd stood -- stunned -- as she slit the man's throat before him. after that day, teresa had always met him with the traditional question: how many frenchman have you killed since we last met? no matter what his answer, her verdict was always the same. not enough.
he tries to imagine one of these lucetians telling teresa to do other things. to make friends. to trust people. and he laughs. she, too, would tell them to mind their own business.
all the same, he doesn't like these games. they aren't like the partisan's war. but he doesn't blame clove; he blames those bloody politicians. ]
...Bastards.
[ clove isn't bad people. he knows that. however, the next time he speaks with her things might be a little different, considering what he learns about katniss's death between now and then. ]
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[But, in a way, it's nice to think that. To assign a sort of malice, rather than ignorance. Makes it easier to be angry, and anger is the one thing she can hold onto here.
There's always someone to be angry with. Some fight to be had.]
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