shenevermisses | 17th Throw

17th Throw - [ video ]

Hello everyone.

[The Journal camera is on, and Clove is smiling. She's dressed nicely but casually. She nervously tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear as she takes a few seconds to get out the next part of what she has to say. She glances away, unsure, then looks back at the camera.]

I want to apologize.

I've... made a pretty bad impression. I don't expect to undo the harm I've done, but I'm still sorry.

I wanto explain, just a little. I've been doing research lately, and I read about men called gladiators, who fought to the death for sport. I... I guess you could say I was raised to be a gladiator.

It's hard, not thinking like that. If I've... acted cold or ruthless, it's because I'm having a hard time learning not everyone's out to kill me in the end. I know I've been rude about it, and I'm sorry.

Forthose who've offered me friendship, I would be grateful for another chance at accepting it.

Again: I am so sorry. I hope I can earn what forgiveness there is to be had.

[The feed goes off.

And the act ends.

Clove glares at the Journal, a sour taste in her mouth. Three people in Luceti will recognize the girl they just saw. Cato, Twelve, and Twelve's representative will see the young woman from District Two sitting with Caesar Flickerman, her smile meant to endear her to all of Panem. Not the sexual create One presented, but something sweet. With just a little bit of a competitive edge.

Everyone else... Well. They can see what they'd like. Knowing most of them and their overbearing sense of morality? They'll think she's come around, they'll want to laud their superiority in having known all along she'd be better off thinking like them and how nice it is she's come around.

Let them think that. When the time comes, she'll still be just as capable. Just as detached from all of them. And they'll be compromised.

She can play that game.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah. Though she was pretty. It's a shame we never did hook up.

[Boy would he have liked to get a piece of that action.]

I don't get the appeal of hooking up. [It's not judgemental. She definitely doesn't hold it against him that he obviously does.]

I mean, sex isn't bad. Can even be fun. But I'm not really too big on it personally.

Maybe you just haven't had it with the right guy. It's better when you known what you're doing.

Edited 2013-05-04 19:22 (UTC)

[She can't help but laugh. An actual laugh, not the fake one she's been giving others.]

I think Cato would kill or maim anyone else if I had sex with them.

[And from the sound of her voice? She'd probably enjoy watching said killing or maiming.]

Already taken, huh? Fair enough, I got a girl I'm with, though we're not exactly dating. She's not into the relationship stuff.

Yeah, I am. Going on three years at this point. Sort of. The whole... getting pulled to this place messed with the timing a little bit, but. Close enough.

[She grins.] Can't blame her there. Whole mess of complicated stuff usually.

It's not worth it. Don't get attached and you've got nothing to worry about. I certainly won't be shedding any tears if something happens to my new girl. I mean, sure, I'll have to find someone new. But that's an inconvenience at best.

[Funny how talking to someone like this is letting Sokka expose just how depraved he's become. It's liberating.]

[And it's that depravity and that sentiment that lets Clove share a little more. Because it's not something she wants sympathy for or to watch someone be shocked.

She wants to tell someone who'll get it.]

Where I'm from -- just before I came here? I died. Because Cato said he'd have my back in a fight, and he wasn't there. Got my skull beaten in for it.

[But she doesn't sound upset. Because, as far as she's concerned, she's not.]

That's how we work. He helps me out when it's convenient for him, I help him out when it's convenient for me. It's not... really attachment. We just... get each other. So we're together.

I like that a lot better than what people talk about around here, you know?

[Ah. So she died. This is probably a moment that normally would come with some sympathy.

But nah.]

Sounds like a fun way to die. So how many times are you up to? I'm up to two. Both times, self-inflicted.

Only the one in my world.

It could have been a better death. I managed to choke up, didn't really put up a fight before my opponent killed me. It happens again? Here? I'm not going to make it so easy.

Choking up is better than wasting your life for the sake of other people. The first time, I overloaded myself with electricity to try and direct it with Filial magic. But I took too much.

Second time, there was an accident on the space ship I was working on. The airlock was jammed and would only close from one side. So you can guess which idiot stayed behind to close it.

At least you did something. I mean, I wouldn't, not to save other people. But -- I made an idiot out of myself. Totally televised, me trained to fight, and I die screaming for help.

[And then... because she's curious, and he doesn't seem the type to mind the question.]

Which one hurt more? The electricity or the air lock?

Yeah, I made myself hero to a bunch of grunts I'll never see again. Big deal. But the airlock was worse. The electricity hurt like hell, but it was instant. The airlock, I knew exactly what was going to happen.

[It was terrible. Running to that Tyr-Fighter to try and get inside, but watching the hatch open before he was even halfway across the hangar. That feeling of having your entire body pulled forward like he was nothing. The coldness of space. It wasn't even like drowning. There was no water to inhale, just air to be sucked out of his lungs. He's grateful he doesn't dream anymore, because those moments would haunt him.]

Dying is better when it's a surprise.

Yeah. My death was fairly quick. I think. Problem with a head injury, I think. It's all kind of blurry after the first attack.

[She can't imagine what it's like to die for someone else. To do it accidentally and help someone out? Sure. Her death? Probably gave Katniss time to run from Thresh. But she didn't sacrifice herself.]

What's it like here? To die and come back? Is it just like coming here in the first place? I know you lose something, but other than that.

The first time, someone brought me back. I was only gone for a moment. It was hard to describe. It was like coming back from being asleep. A dreamless and cold sleep. There was just... nothing. And then suddenly you open your eyes and there's shapes and colors and nothing seems to make sense.

The second time, I didn't wake up. I felt my body be torn about and even though it was cold, it was like my brain was on fire. But then it was over. When I woke up, I was in Luceti. I didn't really have time to adjust to what had happened, because those bastards dropped me in the ocean. But it felt like it was only a single moment between dying and suddenly being plunged into the ocean.

I don't remember, really, what it was like to die. Probably because of how I did. I remember it was sunny, and I was lying in grass. It felt... Well. Like you said the first time did. Like I just fell asleep.

Then I woke up in a field here. Warm day, grass around me.

That was... pretty weird. Seems like the Malnosso like to do that. Something to jar you. Either when they bring you or, apparently, when they bring you back. Because it's them that bring the people back, right? When they die here.

No. I don't think so. It doesn't make sense that they would. I mean, I never went on this mission myself, but I've heard people talk about it. But they used to have people go out and look for bodies. Bodies of people who had died and were just... still.

I think all they do is just drop us back in here, into Luceti. And I guess put some new clothes on us. Which now that I think about it, I guess that means that people come back to life and just end up lying somewhere naked. Creepy.

So you don't come back in the clothes you died in?

[It's such a useless point, but it's an interesting one. One that clicks in her mind for whatever reason.]