shenevermisses | 16th Throw - [ written / action ]

[Written:]

I want to work for the Malnosso. [It's written because she wants to say it, but she doesn't trust her voice.]

I want to be out of this enclosure, working for them. Especially on the battlefield. If they'd just let me, my knives are theirs.

I hate this waiting. Hate it. Sure, time to heal after the fight. Time to rest. But I know how this goes. How long it'll be before I have a knife in my hand for anything other than hunting. Before I get to really fight again.

I hate it.

Why can we just sign up? Go into battle and let that be that. Leave us there, provide supplies, die and come back again and again. I'm useful in a fight. Sitting around here? It's pointless.

[Action:

Clove hasn't spent much time at the apartment. She's been holed up at the camp she established when she first came.

Tonight, for the first time since she got back, there's a fire. Plenty of kindling and proper logs, but also... ball and oval-like bits of wood being thrown in.

All the carving she'd done when Cato had been worrying about her? It's all going into the fire now. Burning.

It was stupid to do it. To pretend she could have something other than battle. She knows now, better than she did before maybe-- that's all she's good for.]

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You're wrong. [She hasn't taken an interest in wood carving.

She had taken an interest in it. And it had gone. Put out fast, killing the slowly glowing ember.

And, on that thought, she tosses another carving -- oblong with a few curves, a rough attempt, perhaps, at a simple bird -- into the fire.]

I do not think so. I am rarely wrong.

It is a gift.

[He picks up one of the left over carvings and turns it around in his hands.]

May I keep it?

No.

It's going into the fire.

[All of it is. All of her attempts to pretend she might be normal. That she might be something more than a Career, than a killer. That she might be able to live a life outside of that, be good at what she does and like it but also have more to her.

No, it's been proven to her: she's only good for what she does. Any attempts at anything else will destroy what is around her. She'll lose what precious few allies she's made, and she'll make more enemies than she expected.

Better to burn it all. Every wood carving and every bridge. Be the Career she's supposed to be, rely on no one but herself.]

[Loki holds on to the carved chunk of wood, raising an eyebrow at Clove. She seems rather resolute about this and Loki is not entirely getting this.]

I see it as a token of our friendship. I can put it in my room with all my other tokens of friendship. Therefore it holds sentimental value.

[So, nope, he's not giving it back.]

Do not immediately reject everything that does not stroke with the lifestyle your academy has taught you. It will not always apply to this environment, Clove. Or to the individuals who live here.

You're an idiot.

[The words are cold, hard, and her glare is directed at the fire.]

This place? Is exactly like the Arena. The only difference is that they just keep adding more tributes. Maybe we won't all have to kill each other, but it'll end the same -- the only ones getting out are the ones who look out for themselves.

And everyone else here? Is going to learn that the hard way. When their back's against the wall, they'll turn on their "friends" or their "friends" will turn on them. Trust? Is stupid.

Here, in the arena, everywhere.

Just because we have different stances on some subjects does not mean I am the idiot. We merely disagree. Disagreement does not mean stupidity, Clove.

[This is quite familiar situation.]

Well, I cannot deny that there are similarities between the land of Luceti and your Hunger Games. We are not in control of this realm and our lives. We are but pawns in a grand scheme. But I refuse to think that this is all there is.

You are aware of the contradiction that has slipped into your words, yes?

Do you look out for yourself?

[Loki shakes his head.]

Trust is important. Not stupid. When there is no trust, there is no friendship, and when there is no friendship there is no alliance either.

I look out for me and only for me, and I don't expect anyone else to look out for me.

[As to alliances... Well. She knows what an alliance is without friendship, and that's the only alliance worth it to her. Because, eventually, those alliances have to break. It's the nature of the game.

If your ally is your friend, the betrayal hurts. Whether it's not being there or whether it's telling someone something, allies eventually betray you. Friends can hurt you.

It's better to be numb. To keep herself apart from everyone. From Cato, from Katniss, from every single resident here.

She's safest alone.]

[Loki leans forward and stares into the fire, extending his hands briefly and humming softly when he feels warmth spreading out from the tips of his fingers to the rest of his hands.]

Allow me to keep your sculpture, yes? I will tell no one you ever had a hobby, my lips are sealed, my mouth stays shut and similar phrases like that.

[He shakes his head briefly.]

Fair enough. But you think secluding yourself is going to help?

I want it in the fire. [But she won't take it from him. She doesn't trust herself with that struggle, not to go too far, not to add another death of a resident to her record here.

So she sits, very still and very silent, glaring at the flames, fingers flexing and contracting as she reminds herself all the reasons she can't go for a knife.]

Yes. I think it will.

[Loki knows what loneliness and solitude can do and he does not wish such things to happen to her. Despite what academies and capitols might say.]

I will not do so.

[He nudges her briefly.]

Perhaps we can finish it together. I see a bird in this sculpture but it is not yet finished. Carving wood is a good way to pass time, you see?

[There's a small pause...]

It won't. Believe me. I do not lie.

You can go now.

[It's that simple, to her. Dismissing him.

After all, there's no way she's carving again. And since he obviously won't do what she wants about the wood piece, she isn't going to bother arguing it further. It's a good reiteration of the lesson she's learning, here. How people think.

"What I want trumps what you want."]

You are free to do some hanging around later. I will be cooking hamburgers with ketchup tonight.

[Loki is pretty sure Clove will never ever appear because whatever Academy has been brain washing her, it is quite good at that. He gets on his feet and tucks the sculpture away in the brown shoulderbag he mostly carries around.]

Be well, yes?

16th Throw - [ written / action ]

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[action] [oh god Clove ;_;]

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