16th Throw - [ written / action ]

[shenevermisses]

[Written:]

I want to work for the Malnosso. [It's written because she wants to say it, but she doesn't trust her voice.]

I want to be out of this enclosure, working for them. Especially on the battlefield. If they'd just let me, my knives are theirs.

I hate this waiting. Hate it. Sure, time to heal after the fight. Time to rest. But I know how this goes. How long it'll be before I have a knife in my hand for anything other than hunting. Before I get to really fight again.

I hate it.

Why can we just sign up? Go into battle and let that be that. Leave us there, provide supplies, die and come back again and again. I'm useful in a fight. Sitting around here? It's pointless.


[Action:

Clove hasn't spent much time at the apartment. She's been holed up at the camp she established when she first came.

Tonight, for the first time since she got back, there's a fire. Plenty of kindling and proper logs, but also... ball and oval-like bits of wood being thrown in.

All the carving she'd done when Cato had been worrying about her? It's all going into the fire now. Burning.

It was stupid to do it. To pretend she could have something other than battle. She knows now, better than she did before maybe-- that's all she's good for.]

Comments

[justicereigns]

[Nods his head. He really does get it.] Yeah, I think I get it.

What would you do if you never had to fight again?

[If he's perfectly honest with himself, fighting is an addition. One Smoker shares, but thanks to all his other addictions, fighting is just the one he has the most control over. Clove though... she needs to learn to live for other things, and Smoker only has some inklings of how to help her do that. Either way though, he knows he's going to at least try to help her find it. Because that's how Smoker is.]

[shenevermisses]

[Clove considers this.

The answer's different now. She realizes, as she thinks about it, the times that answer's changed. It was different at fifteen, different in the Games, different on her arrival here, different after Cato came, different after this last draft.]

I don't know.

[justicereigns]

Sometimes it's not enough to fight to survive for yourself.

When you start becoming good enough at that, it doesn't require the same kind of fight to survive, and you get stronger than that.

Finding what more you can do, doesn't just give you more reason to fight. It makes you stronger at it too because of your conviction in it.

If you could fight to help others survive, would you do it?

[shenevermisses]

Depends.

[Heartless? Maybe. But she feels heartless. Feels alone, cut off, and, in turn, heartless.]

Would it put me in danger of dying? If so, no. I take care of myself first. If it isn't going to hurt me? Then sure, I'll help other people.

[justicereigns]

[He doesn't consider it heartless, he's trained and dealt with enough soldiers to recognize someone who needs justice more than anything else, just for the sake of drive.]

When you only protect yourself, it's easy to become bored. Especially in a place like this where it means even less. You don't have to grow your own food here, you don't have to struggle at the risk of failing and losing everything daily. Instead of storms, it's smooth.

Do you think you're strong enough to start protecting more than yourself?

Otherwise, you've already reached your limit. Congratulations, you're alive, and it doesn't mean anything. [That's... overly harsh, but he's even worse to his own men, strangely enough.]

You have a chance to make it mean something, but you have to be that strong to do it.

[shenevermisses]

[Yet. Yet. Right now.

She adds them to the ends of every sentence about what hardships they don't have to face. As easily as the Malnosso provide everything, they can take it away. As easily as the barrier keeps them in and the war out, it can go away. These Gamemakers have all the power, and they decide how generous to be.

Given the ingratitude shown constantly? Clove is always waiting for the day they get sick of it and cut off the enclosure. Leave them to their own devices, to survive by themselves. Or worse.

This place has all the makings of an Arena. It only lacks the rule. The one stated rule of the Games: Only one person gets out alive.]

Why would I want to risk my life for someone else? What good does that do me?

[justicereigns]

[He grins a little wryly at that.]

It gives you something stronger to fight for. You can fight for yourself, but you'll only become your strongest protecting something important. In wars, that's what decides the strongest. When both sides believe with all their strength in their convictions, that's when things get dangerous.

The Malnosso won't let you protect them. They won't let you become that strong, they won't let themselves become dependent on the likes of us.

It's the only reason I can see that they won't take the strongest fighters or volunteers on drafts, just do it "randomly."

That doesn't mean you can't get stronger protecting something else here, but you have to be willing to be that daring.

In wars, you have to be aggressive. You have to take risks. If you don't want to take the risk of looking out for someone else, you won't ever become stronger than you already are.

[shenevermisses]

Why do you think they won't rely on us? Some of us, even? They've done it before. Promoted people from inside the enclosures to stand in their ranks.

[A relatively minor position, Clove thinks in retrospect, but it's something to strive for.

The rest of his speech... goes unanswered. Protecting someone else seems to be just asking to be killed. Not only that, but to have a life thrown away. Her own life is what matters to her, her own interests. And she isn't satisfied with what she has, so she'll keep fighting.

For her, that seems like enough.]

[justicereigns]

[Smoker snorts derisively at that.] Because they have too much to lose and nothing to gain from it.

[shenevermisses]

They've done it before. Taken people who used to be in an enclosure and given them jobs in their ranks.

[justicereigns]

But not from Luceti. They aren't desperate enough for that risk, and there's too many political factions within their own ranks at play still.

[shenevermisses]

So... "It's never happened yet, so it's never going to happen." Good to know.

[justicereigns]

[Snorts.] Much as there's a first time for everything, do you really think that will make you happy or fill what you find lacking?