shenevermisses | 18th Throw

I think the weirdest part about being here -- the part I'm never really going to get used to -- is having time.

[There's no Career act today, so Clove doesn't bother with the video. She doesn't want to have to smile when she feels... weird.

Not good, not bad. Just weird.

It's what happens, she's pretty sure, when she thinks too much.]

I didn't get that where I was from. In the Academy, the days were scheduled. Even when we didn't have classes -- like when we'd sometimes go home for the weekend -- I sort of just... kept that schedule. I didn't know what else to do. I even still sort of do.

But... here... we've got time.

Maybe a little, maybe a lot. But it's time.

[She's rambling, and she knows it, but the thought's been weighing on her for awhile. It's something that keeps getting stirred up every time she thinks it's gone.]

So. Let's say there's something you wanted to do where you came from. You know you can't go back; you'll never get to do it there.

Would you... do it here? Because you can and because you have the time to do it.

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I might. Or it might just be saving myself a lot of trouble. I've... never been good at this kind of thing.

When you've got all this free time, what've you got to lose?

A... a friend. If it goes wrong.

Oh. [In most cases, he'd just tell her to say, "Screw it!" and do what she wanted, but he understood the importance of friends and he can understand why she's worried now.] Well, friends are friends because they understand each other. Unless you're trying to hurt them, I don't think they're gonna condemn you for trying something different, you know?

It's... I wouldn't ever try to hurt him. But I might. Especially if it doesn't work.

There's no way you can talk about it first?

Talking about it... is definitely one of those "make or break" things. Just because... could be a touchy subject.

I think I understand. It sounds like something you either do or you don't.

But say it worked out. Will things be better if they do?

I think so. I want them to be, at least.

Then I think it might be worth a try. I mean, if it were me, I'd definitely go for it. You never know when you're not gonna have the chance anymore. Seize the day and all that.

"Seize the day."

Huh. Never heard that before.

I kinda like it. It's an old saying about taking chances because you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I mean, heck, even though we're having this conversation now, who's to say we'll both still be here when it's over?

...I think I like it, too.

It ain't a bad thing to keep in mind.

But hey, whatever you do? I hope it works out for you.

I-- [But there's not anything to say, and Clove realizes it.]

...Thanks.

Don't mention it.

[It wasn't much, but whatever her situation was, he hoped for the best.]

18th Throw - [ voice ]

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