18th Throw - [ voice ]

[shenevermisses]

I think the weirdest part about being here -- the part I'm never really going to get used to -- is having time.

[There's no Career act today, so Clove doesn't bother with the video. She doesn't want to have to smile when she feels... weird.

Not good, not bad. Just weird.

It's what happens, she's pretty sure, when she thinks too much.]

I didn't get that where I was from. In the Academy, the days were scheduled. Even when we didn't have classes -- like when we'd sometimes go home for the weekend -- I sort of just... kept that schedule. I didn't know what else to do. I even still sort of do.

But... here... we've got time.

Maybe a little, maybe a lot. But it's time.

[She's rambling, and she knows it, but the thought's been weighing on her for awhile. It's something that keeps getting stirred up every time she thinks it's gone.]

So. Let's say there's something you wanted to do where you came from. You know you can't go back; you'll never get to do it there.

Would you... do it here? Because you can and because you have the time to do it.

Comments

voice;

[shenevermisses]

Depends on what failing entails, doesn't it?

voice;

[tomodachi]

...Okay, enlighten me, what would be considered "failing" if this thing of yours doesn't work out?

voice;

[shenevermisses]

A friend of mine might not ever speak to me again.

voice;

[tomodachi]

Huh, really? [That's actually a little surprising to hear.] Why?

voice;

[shenevermisses]

Because it'd... change things between us.

voice;

[tomodachi]

Oh...I don't really get why it would change things, but I guess having a friend not want to talk to you anymore wouldn't be fun to deal with.

[Sorry, he's not being very helpful right now is he...]

voice;

[shenevermisses]

No, it wouldn't. That's why I'm trying to decide.

voice;

[tomodachi]

...I still think trying is mostly better than not trying at all--not doing it doesn't change anything and can be pretty boring instead if you're just sitting around thinking "Wow, if I only I had done that when I had the chance to"...

But if it has to do with this friend of yours, then you just gotta find out somehow if they want the same thing too, right?

voice;

[shenevermisses]

Yeah. That's where it gets hard. Kind of... not possible to find out if it's a good idea unless I just do it. Makes it... harder.

voice;

[tomodachi]

[Oh...] And I guess you can't just ask them or something, huh?

voice;

[shenevermisses]

...No. I can't. Because asking it brings the subject up, and once it's brought up, it won't go away until it's settled. Which means running the risk of losing a friend.

voice;

[tomodachi]

...Geez, this thing you want must be pretty hard to get if you can't even ask them about it.