shenevermisses | 18th Throw

I think the weirdest part about being here -- the part I'm never really going to get used to -- is having time.

[There's no Career act today, so Clove doesn't bother with the video. She doesn't want to have to smile when she feels... weird.

Not good, not bad. Just weird.

It's what happens, she's pretty sure, when she thinks too much.]

I didn't get that where I was from. In the Academy, the days were scheduled. Even when we didn't have classes -- like when we'd sometimes go home for the weekend -- I sort of just... kept that schedule. I didn't know what else to do. I even still sort of do.

But... here... we've got time.

Maybe a little, maybe a lot. But it's time.

[She's rambling, and she knows it, but the thought's been weighing on her for awhile. It's something that keeps getting stirred up every time she thinks it's gone.]

So. Let's say there's something you wanted to do where you came from. You know you can't go back; you'll never get to do it there.

Would you... do it here? Because you can and because you have the time to do it.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No.

[If it was anyone else, Katniss would have ignored the post. Wouldn't have bothered to listen to the ramble about time and wanting to do things. Why should she care? It'd only make her think of the stupid decisions she had made since coming here. One after another after another. And all because she thought it'd be okay - maybe even good - to do things she might never do back home.

But it was Clove who had posted this message. And as soon as she saw the name, she had pressed play. Even as the words made her frown, made her shift uncomfortably in her seat, she kept listening.

Until the very end.]

No. Whatever it is? You'll regret it. Everything here? You'll come to regret eventually.

Odd one out.

[And yet, it's an opinion Clove respects. Anyone else, she'd just shrug off. Engage a little but not really care. Katniss, though... Katniss is the one who understands her at least a little better than anyone else here.

Which is why she doesn't pull punches here.]

I've got nothing after Luceti. I know I might end up regretting it, but... this is my last chance.

[She had noticed that after she had talked. That she was the only one who had answered in the negative. It had made her briefly consider going back and deleting her response. But she wouldn't do that to Clove. Not when the girl was one of the only people who seemed to understand where Katniss' opinions came from.

But it was in part that nothing Clove spoke of that made her so resolute in her opinion. She had nothing to go back to, not like Katniss did. But in a way, she'd have that same blank slate if what the others said was true. She wouldn't remember her time here, either.]

You don't know when they'll make you leave. Do you want to spend the rest of your time here regretting stupid decisions?

[And with Katniss, she can be a little more candid.]

It could ruin my life. What...ever sort of a life I've got here. I could screw it all up really easily.

[Which is why she's afraid. Why she's looking for some sort of mentor.

If she could be back in District Two, she'd go to Portia or Aridane. She'd have older women she trusted to ask opinions of, to discuss her options. But here and now, it was her. And she didn't trust herself enough. Not on matters that weren't pure survival.]

But... I might regret not doing it, too. If the chance went away.

[That was something Katniss was good at, wasn't she? Making the sort of stupid decisions that could easily ruin her life. Falling in love with Peeta, not keeping a closer eye on her sister. Allowing something to develop with Sokka. Telling Richard that Clove had killed her. Stupid, stupid mistakes that hurt more than she regretted now so much.

And, if she let them, could easily destroy the rest of her life.

It wasn't something, she realized, that she wanted for Clove.]

What is it?

Could we meet somewhere?

I... don't trust this thing. Talking about it over this.

[She thinks it over for only a few seconds before agreeing. She could understand Clove's reluctance. Though Katniss thinks that she's gotten better at using this thing, at doing basic filters and keeping some information private, she still wouldn't necessarily trust the book for privacy. Not when she remembers how easy it had been for Beetee to hack the Capitol airwaves.

Could magic be easy to hack, too?]

Okay. Where?

The camp? Or I could come over?

[Today isn't about a treaty or about wariness. This... If anything, this is a friendly conversation. So neutral ground doesn't matter.]

[She's at home. Though she could easily make it out to the camp, it would just take more time. And if Clove is in the village too, it'd just be stupid for both of them to trek out there.

Besides, what's the worse that could happen? Clove kill her in her own home? Funny how that was an idea Katniss wasn't really all that opposed to. But she doubts Clove would. Not after how she acted at the party.

As if they were once again friends.]

Come over.

18th Throw - [ voice ]

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