Clove (
shenevermisses) wrote2014-08-19 12:09 pm
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27th Throw - [ written - private from Cato ]
[The arguing with Cato has been... difficult. So has trying to get her head on right. The last draft reminded her what she's good at, but it also reminded her that she's only good at that.
Doing a bit of cleaning and organizing? Meant she found a stuffed bear and picture she'd hidden a long time ago. A picture from the world in which she and Cato won the Games and were crowned co-Victors.
Where she had a baby girl.]
I always wanted kids.
That was my plan at the Academy, actually. Before the Reaping.
I was going to graduate, take over my dad's job as foreman of the marble quarry near our village, get married, and have kids. I always wanted at least two. A boy and a girl.
A couple shifts here gave me part of that.
I hadn't died in my world, and I had a daughter.
[A pause, and she writes a correction.]
We hadn't died. We had a daughter.
Just before I left my District, my mom found out she was pregnant. I went home that weekend to see my parents, and they were getting along better than ever. They actually seemed to like being around each other.
Maybe kids help.
[Maybe kids would help.]
Doing a bit of cleaning and organizing? Meant she found a stuffed bear and picture she'd hidden a long time ago. A picture from the world in which she and Cato won the Games and were crowned co-Victors.
Where she had a baby girl.]
I always wanted kids.
That was my plan at the Academy, actually. Before the Reaping.
I was going to graduate, take over my dad's job as foreman of the marble quarry near our village, get married, and have kids. I always wanted at least two. A boy and a girl.
A couple shifts here gave me part of that.
I hadn't died in my world, and I had a daughter.
[A pause, and she writes a correction.]
We hadn't died. We had a daughter.
Just before I left my District, my mom found out she was pregnant. I went home that weekend to see my parents, and they were getting along better than ever. They actually seemed to like being around each other.
Maybe kids help.
[Maybe kids would help.]
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[In her world. Then again, most marriages she knows are more business arrangements than anything else. A child is the final step of that, a permanent knot to bind the two parties together.]
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And every district views marriage differently. The outlying ones? Where they think the government's more "oppressive"? Are the ones who tend to marry for love. So, sounds like the way your world works isn't the same as the way mine does.
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Sounds like it.
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Kids are amazing. But I'd be careful about saying they help. They're a lot of work and it's for the long haul. But when you're ready for it and you have the right partner, it's worth all that.
[He's so completely and utterly in love with his family.]
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How do you know you have the right partner?
[She'd gladly live under the eyes of the Capitol again. To have the family she doesn't get in Panem.
But Luceti is a different creature. Things were different in the world that wasn't. They hadn't died; he hadn't been too late. They were different people than they are.]
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[But that's about who you marry. Kids, well]
Are they someone you can trust to have your back? That you can weather the bad times with? Because there will be times when neither of you have slept more than two hours at a time and one of you is covered in spit up and the baby is still crying and you can't figure out why. Are they the sort of person you think you can do that with?
A lot of it just comes down to feel. I never felt like the get married, settle down, raise a bunch of kids sort. But with my wife it just felt so right. Like we really did have a future together.
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Are they someone you can trust to have your back?
The memories make it hard, and there's a bit of sound. She's still there, trying to bring herself back under control. Not lose herself in the fear and anger that still coils around her insides when she thinks about the Games.
When she remembers how she died. Screaming for help that came too late.
When she remembers every time here she's needed help, and he hasn't been there.]
No.
[The single word comes out, quiet and unsteady.]
He'd protect his child.
But not me.
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Having children is no way to repair a relationship.
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[And, after a moment:]
We were happy. With our little girl.
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They are separate people. They are not solutions.
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[Solidity and loyalty? Well. Depends on how those are defined, actually.
She sighs.]
...Just always wanted a family, you know? I knew exactly how it was supposed to go, and... nothing went that way.
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What's it like? Being in love?
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I think talking would help with fixing problems. Maybe marriage counseling with one of the more experienced adults here, if you need someone to help guide the two of you along and mediate. Or you could go with relationship counseling with younger people in a long term relationship, possibly.
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I just... Always wanted to have a family, you know?
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[One thought occurs to her, though.]
There are a few moms and dads in Luceti who probably wouldn't mind giving you some parental advice when you need it. My dad's here and I think my brother and I turned out pretty well.
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